he told me I talked like a deaf person
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
