My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
