If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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