It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
