My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
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Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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