I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
