The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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