Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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