I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
