Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
