i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We left the knife in your bed.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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