I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
