Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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