I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
