I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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