Just mADE A PArabola og urine
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
