Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
