don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
