i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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