Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
