I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
