i want to swaddle you in tequila
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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