I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
