I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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