Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
we're making bets on your personal life
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
