I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize