i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
