dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
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