Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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