He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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