you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
