And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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