Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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