I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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