she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
either way he was missing a nipple.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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