Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
