hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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