if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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