i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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