I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
