I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
