We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
