drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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