So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
