all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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