The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
