in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I FOUND THE LEGS
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
