before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
