i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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