He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
