You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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