Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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