Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
