There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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