so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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