I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
