I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
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I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
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Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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