i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
