So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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