I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
