HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
