trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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