my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
