1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
