I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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