Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
